3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
