Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
