youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
