Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
