I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize