Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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