Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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