I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
