ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
