Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
