I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
