how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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