i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am available for nakedness
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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