yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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