no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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