Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
