I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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