So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
