I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
