ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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