someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
