The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
