the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
