the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
