Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
