The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
