Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
