i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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