Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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