Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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