I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
