Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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