All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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