nut hugger
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
