she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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