i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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