Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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