Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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