I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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