I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
