Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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