better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
