She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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