i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
