New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
be right there i have to get my cape
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
