dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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