He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
