So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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