i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
