I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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