Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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