i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
